A Crisis About Confidence

We have entered unknown territory. This week was the second time we found ourselves sitting outside a sonographer’s room awaiting a 20 week scan. The first time it had been exciting, we were focussed entirely on the finding out whether our baby was a boy or a girl. That is what the 20 week scan is for, right? Talk about being unprepared. Instead that scan began the chain of life-changing events and diagnoses which brought us our miraculous Mojo. Needless to say the experience second time around was somewhat different. Braced is probably the best word. We sat, braced and quiet as the time ticked by until our appointment.

Fortunately our experience second time around was completely different. ‘Normal’ isn’t a word I like to use in relation to people, primarily because there is such a negative connotation to being abnormal. I generally use conventional because being unconventional sounds much cooler, much more like a decision we’ve taken not to follow the crowd. Saying all of that there was, of course, something remarkably surreal about hearing the word ‘normal’ in relation to our new baby. Sitting squarely along the 50th centile for all her sizes and weight. Very, very, conventional.

The relief and happiness I initially felt was accompanied by a really complicated mix of emotions that I wasn’t really expecting. I was reminded all over again of how random Mojo’s condition is. Ultimately we now know that there is no specific genetic reason for her HPE, she could have had a very different life. By being relieved that our younger daughter isn’t, as far as we know, going to have any of the fundamental and life limiting difficulties that our elder daughter has does that betray Mojo? Is it wrong to be happy about it?

It is very much unknown territory to feel able to prepare for a new baby. We never did during the first pregnancy. We couldn’t. We prepared for a new kind of life but it was one without the baby I was carrying. This time we can prepare, decorate, have entire rooms built on our house! Last time we didn’t do NCT or anti-natal classes, as one doctor said to us ‘It may be very painful to hear other mums complaining about their healthy pregnancy experiences’. He was right of course.

How do we deal with a conventional baby. I understand that they move around of their own accord and don’t stay where you left them, that they answer back and that they get really heavy!! Will we be unimpressed by their motor skill achievements. So you can walk…well you would be able to walk because all of your brain works!

Ultimately I know that none of this will be an issue because in the same way as I worried incessantly about how we would cope with a non-conventional baby, we will cope with a conventional one in the same way. One day at a time. I also know that the one person who will struggle the least with the new addition is Mojo who will love her little sister like no baby has ever been loved (in her distinctive, slightly bite-y style).

I suppose every mother expecting her second child has days when she cannot imagine loving another child as much as she loves the one she already has, while simultaneously knowing that she just will. My case just comes with added conflicted feelings.

As for Mojo the last couple of months have been really hard work, she has bounced from one viral infection to another, piling them on top of each other and dallying dangerously with dehydration every other day. Surgery is now on the cards to give her a g-tube which will allow us to keep her hydrated during the periods of illness and hopefully limit hospital admissions. I hate the idea of her having a permanent hole in her little tummy but know deep down that it’s for the best. The combination of surgery and pregnancy hormones will be a fun one. We meet with the surgical team next month so time will tell.

In the mean time after all this drama, it’s back to our unconventional normal for a while thankfully!

Easter Egg Hunting!

 

8 thoughts on “A Crisis About Confidence”

  1. I am glad for writing to make you know what a great encounter my friend’s daughter found reading your site. She figured out numerous issues, not to mention what it’s like to have a wonderful giving mindset to have men and women quite simply have an understanding of selected hard to do subject areas. You really exceeded our expectations. Many thanks for giving the insightful, safe, explanatory and as well as easy thoughts on the topic to Janet.

    Reply
  2. I am glad for writing to make you know what a incredible encounter my friend’s girl gained studying your web page. She learned plenty of pieces, which include what it’s like to possess an awesome helping mood to let other folks smoothly know just exactly several multifaceted subject matter. You truly exceeded our own expectations. Thank you for offering these necessary, safe, explanatory and even fun tips about this topic to Julie.

    Reply
  3. I needed to draft you one little observation so as to say thank you as before for those great knowledge you’ve documented here. It has been certainly pretty generous of people like you to convey freely exactly what a number of people could possibly have made available as an e book to earn some cash for their own end, even more so considering the fact that you could possibly have done it if you ever decided. The ideas also acted like a fantastic way to comprehend other individuals have similar dreams like my own to grasp good deal more on the subject of this issue. I’m sure there are many more fun occasions ahead for individuals that look into your blog post.

    Reply
  4. Needed to write you this very small word to help thank you very much yet again with your wonderful views you have shown on this website. This is so wonderfully open-handed with you to present unreservedly what most people would have sold for an electronic book to help with making some profit on their own, primarily seeing that you might well have tried it in the event you wanted. Those things likewise worked to become a great way to recognize that someone else have the same passion similar to my very own to see very much more with regard to this problem. I know there are some more pleasurable situations up front for people who see your website.

    Reply
  5. I simply wished to thank you very much yet again. I do not know what I would have used without those tips and hints shown by you relating to this theme. This has been the traumatic setting in my view, nevertheless viewing your well-written technique you treated the issue took me to weep with joy. Now i am thankful for your work as well as wish you recognize what an amazing job your are undertaking training the others with the aid of your website. Probably you haven’t met any of us.

    Reply
  6. I simply wanted to thank you so much once more. I do not know what I would’ve sorted out without these strategies revealed by you over that subject. It was an absolute horrifying matter in my position, nevertheless spending time with this specialized style you resolved the issue took me to leap with happiness. I will be happy for your service and then sincerely hope you realize what an amazing job you have been providing teaching some other people using your web site. Most likely you haven’t got to know any of us.

    Reply
  7. Thanks for the advice on credit repair on this excellent site. Some tips i would tell people should be to give up the particular mentality that they may buy currently and shell out later. Being a society many of us tend to try this for many issues. This includes vacation trips, furniture, along with items we wish. However, you’ll want to separate your current wants out of the needs. If you are working to boost your credit score actually you need some trade-offs. For example you’ll be able to shop online to save cash or you can look at second hand merchants instead of high-priced department stores pertaining to clothing.

    Reply

Leave a comment